How to set up a calm down corner for a child

What is a calm down corner?

A calm down corner is a small, quiet spot a child can go to when things get too much, with a few simple things inside.

It is not a naughty step. The National Autistic Society says meltdowns happen when someone is completely overwhelmed and cannot express it another way, and that they "are not bad or naughty behaviour". The corner exists so that child has somewhere to go before, during or after, by choice.

You can have one at home, and schools and nurseries use them too. The thinking is the same: reduce what is coming in, and make it easy to get away.

Where should a calm down corner go?

Put it away from the busiest part of the room, with its back to a wall.

The National Autistic Society's advice on meltdowns is to create a quiet, safe space, to turn off loud music, and to dim bright lights. A corner of the child's bedroom works, or the space behind a sofa. Avoid the doorway, the hallway or the kitchen, which carry the most noise and foot traffic.

Make the spot reachable without asking. If a child has to ask an adult first, it stops being a place they can choose.

What goes in a calm down corner?

Keep it to a handful of items. A crowded corner defeats its purpose.

• Something soft to sit on. A cushion, a beanbag or a folded blanket.
• Dim light. A small lamp is gentler than a ceiling light, and a blackout curtain or a blanket over a frame can make a den.
• Ear defenders. Alpine Muffy Kids are listed for ages 5 to 16, with up to 25 decibels of reduction, a foldable adjustable headband and a weight of 100g, for £19.99. Let the child try them on in a quiet moment, not for the first time mid-meltdown.
• A timer. The Learning Resources Time Tracker Mini shows time with three coloured lights and has an optional alarm, running up to 2 hours. If a child finds a blinking light distracting, a sand timer or no timer is better.
• Things to hold. Tangle Jr. is quiet and wipes clean. A tray of Kinetic Sand can be pressed and moulded.
• Pictures. A few cards or photos of what to do, if the child finds words hard when upset.

How do you introduce a calm down corner?

Introduce it when everyone is calm, and show it as a nice place, not a fix.

Sit in it with the child. Try each item. Say what it is for: "This is a quiet spot you can come to when you want to." Then leave it. The National Autistic Society says to give a child time and to avoid judging, so do not hover or ask a lot of questions when they are using it.

Stay near and available. If they want company, sit with them. If they want to be alone, stay within earshot and check in softly.

What should adults do while a child is in the corner?

Stay close, say little and give them time.

The National Autistic Society's advice during a meltdown is to give the person some time, because it can take a while to recover from information or sensory overload. It suggests calmly asking whether they are all right and allowing more time for a reply than you might expect. It also says to ask onlookers to move on without staring, and not to judge.

In practice that means:

• Do not ask a string of questions.
• Keep your voice low and your words few.
• Lower the light or noise around the corner if you can, for example by turning off the television.
• Do not take items away or give a lecture afterwards. The corner is not the place for a talk about behaviour.
• Come back to it later, when the child is ready, and ask what helped.

Can you set one up at school or nursery?

You can ask, and the child's school or nursery decides.

We found no national rule that says a school must provide a calm down corner, so what exists depends on the setting. If your child struggles at school, ask the class teacher or the special educational needs coordinator (SENCo) whether there is a quiet space, what the child is allowed to take into it and who they can tell. Ask for the answer in writing so it applies to every adult who works with your child. Our visual schedules guide covers the picture cards some children use to ask for a break.

How do you know if the corner is working?

The sign is that the child goes there by choice, and comes back when ready.

It is not working if they avoid it, if it has become a place where they are sent, or if the items have turned into toys that make the room noisier. In that case, change one thing: move it, strip it back, or let the child choose what goes in. A corner is a tool for the child, and it should follow what they actually use, not what looks tidy on a shelf.

Things to know

• Weighted items need care. The Royal College of Occupational Therapists recommends an occupational therapist assess weighted blanket use for children. We left weighted items out of this guide for that reason.
• Small parts. Tangle Jr. is not suitable for children under 36 months, according to Hope Education. Check the age on any item before leaving it with a young child.
• Supervision. A corner is somewhere to be calm and safe, not somewhere to leave a child unattended with small items or sand.
• Sound. The Alpine page says its earmuffs reduce sound by up to 25 decibels. They are for loud places, not for wearing all day.
• What we could not confirm. We could not load Spin Master's age page for Kinetic Sand or the Amazon listings for the timer. The timer's colours and age come from retailers' pages, which disagree on the minimum age. We have not tested any of these.