Secret Santa gifts for a neurodivergent colleague: what to buy and what to skip

What should you buy a neurodivergent colleague for Secret Santa?

Buy what you would buy any colleague, and make it useful. The aim of Secret Santa is a small, friendly gift in front of other people, not a statement about someone's brain. A gift that points at a diagnosis, even kindly, tells the whole room something the person may not have chosen to share.

That is the rule behind everything below. The picks are plain desk and everyday items. We chose them because they suit lots of people, not because they suit one condition.

Why neutral is the right default

Some people have not told their employer they are neurodivergent, and some are not sure themselves. Acas notes that people can face "discrimination by perception", meaning unwanted comments because someone wrongly thinks they are neurodivergent, so guessing is a risk in both directions.

Secret Santa also sits in a social setting. Acas describes a case in which a colleague is left out of social events and subjected to comments, and says that is likely to be disability discrimination. You do not need to read that as a warning about gifts, but it is a good reminder that how you behave towards a colleague around the office party matters.

So the safest present is one that gives away nothing, and the best one is something you would be glad to receive yourself.

What to give: useful, neutral and not pointed

The test is simple: would this look odd if every name in the hat got one? If not, it is safe.

Paper. A Papier Life Admin list notepad is about £12 and a Papier Weekly Happenings desk planner is about £16. Both are paper goods that anyone with a desk can use. The planner is undated, tear-off and 241mm by 211mm, so there is no wasted week.

Desk gear. The Secura 60-minute visual timer costs about £9.99 and shows the time left as a countdown. The Hydracy 1L bottle is about £19.99, and the DYMO LetraTag 200B label maker is about £23.76. The label maker suits an office with a shared kitchen as much as a person with a list.

Something to wear. SmartKnit adult socks cost about £10.95 and come in small to extra large. They are a normal present, though you do need to guess a size.

What to skip

• Fidget toys, putty and chew items. They are visible and can look like a remark.
• Ear defenders and earplugs. Useful for the right person, and a pointed present for the wrong one.
• Books and mugs about ADHD or autism. A gift that labels someone should come from them.
• Anything that makes a noise, lights up or smells strongly. You cannot know what a colleague finds hard to be near.
• Surprises that need a reaction. The National Autistic Society suggests removing expectations such as reacting immediately to presents, and that is a kind principle for any office.

If you drew someone who has told you

Say a colleague has mentioned they are autistic or have ADHD, and you have drawn their name. They shared it, but you have no sign they want it on a present. Buy from the same list, and keep the card friendly and ordinary.

The one exception is a thing they have asked for or mentioned using. If they have said they wear ear defenders on the commute, that is a reason to consider a gift of something they already like, though a plain shop voucher may still be easier. When you are unsure, ask the organiser to pass on a question, or ask the person, in person, once and lightly.

If you can ask

Many Secret Santas allow a wish list, and that is the kindest option for everyone. A list means nobody has to guess, and it lets a person ask for the label maker or the socks without explaining why. Ask the organiser to include one if the group is large.

Budget and how to choose

Check the organiser's limit before you shop. Our picks run from about £9.99 to about £23.76, and several are under £20. If your limit is £10, the timer is the only pick that fits, and a plain notebook from any shop will do as well.

Things to know

We have not tested these products. Details come from the makers' pages and the retailer listings in the sources, and prices are the ones we hold and may change.

If you are organising the Secret Santa, make it opt-in, say what the budget is, and let people add a wish list. Nobody should need to explain why they would rather not take part, and a quiet way out protects more people than any gift can.

This guide is general information about gifts, not advice on employment law. If a colleague is being excluded or mocked at work, that is a matter for your HR team or Acas.